


Like Father, Like Son

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-05
Updated: 2009-12-09
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:32:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skwisgaar’s mom finally tells him about his father. Imagine they’re speaking Swedish, they probably would when it’s just them.<br/>I’m still in my brain-breaking mood, sorry guys. This concept’s pretty fucked up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like Father, Like Son

He didn’t look up when she entered his room, he knew who it was. “Go away Mother, I don’t wish to talk to you.”  
She ignored his wishes as she always had, and came to sit beside him. “Baby, remember when you asked me about your father?”  
It was difficult not to show interest at that, but he managed. Surely she wouldn’t actually tell him, _if_ she even knew. “Pfft, whatever.”  
“You’re not fooling me Skwisgaar, I know you really care. Besides, that’s where you got your talent, I certainly have none. He was the fastest guitarist in the world.”

His father had been the fastest guitarist too? Damnit, she knew he couldn’t resist that. “So you really know who he is? You’re not just fucking with me again? If you’re not lying, where was he while I was growing up?”  
“He couldn’t be there for us, it was impossible. If you’ll only just let me explain-“  
“So explain.”  
Once she told him everything, his life would never be the same. Still, he had a right to know the truth. After all these years of lies and evasiveness...  
He was waiting.

“When I was young and beautiful, I met this man. He was a scientist, an inventor, a genius.”  
“I thought you said he was a guitarist.”  
“If you would be patient and let me tell the story-“  
“Fine, whatever.”  
She sighed, and continued. “This man, he invented a time machine. He needed a volunteer to test it, and I was asked if I would, being somewhat of a celebrity myself. I was supposed to look around and see how the city was doing in the future.”  
Skwisgaar was silent, listening. 

“Well, it worked and it didn’t. I was indeed sent into the future, but not our future. I wasn’t in Sweden at all, but America. Fortunately I knew some English.”  
“My father was American?”  
“Baby, shut up and let me tell the story. Anyway, I acquired some clothing that looked like what everyone else wore, and was walking around marveling at the sights. Automobiles looked so different, so many things had changed.”  
Skwisgaar nodded impatiently, he knew what things looked like, he didn’t care. Unless she meant even further into the future?  
He still didn’t care.

I met a nice young man. He offered to show me around, and invited me to attend some function with him later since he didn’t have a date. Of course I accepted. I got to watch his band play, and he was truly amazing. I’ll spare you the details of what happened later-“  
“Why? You never have before.”  
She gave him a warning look. “Then the time machine pulled me back as it was designed to, and I reported what I could. I was shocked when I discovered that I was pregnant, and it caused quite a scandal when I wouldn’t name the father. But how could I? It was beyond explanation.”

Something wasn’t making sense. Well, a lot of things weren’t, but one point in particular. “You said my father was the fastest guitarist alive. _I’m_ the fastest guitarist alive, and I have been for years.”  
“I know Baby, but you changed his future. In the future without you, he was the fastest, now he isn’t.”  
A horrible suspicion was forming in his mind. “Tell me, what was the name of this event that my father took you to?”  
“They called it the Pornography Awards. What a strange thing to give out awards for.”  
Oh dear god, he _remembered_ her, everyone had said how much she looked like him. But that meant-  
Oh fuck, _Toki_ was his father.


	2. Quality Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel, but i'm posting it as a chapter here.
> 
> Yes, I really shouldn’t have, but I did. Different mood now though, not sure if that made it even weirder.  
> DNA test confirms it, and Toki wants to spend some quality time with his son. Who, of course, is older than he is.  
> Warning: Not S/T OTP-friendly

Charles thought this was probably the strangest meeting he’d ever held, and that was saying a lot. They were there for the results, which he held in his hand. “Skwisgaar, we’re about to find out if your mother was telling the truth. Toki, are you ready to hear the results?”  
“Ja, hurries up.”  
The CFO opened the envelope and read the enclosed paper. “Well Toki, as strange as it may be, you are indeed Skwisgaar’s father. The physics of this are truly mind-boggling.” With that, he left the room. The odds were good that he didn’t want to witness whatever came next.

Before poor Skwisgaar could even begin to react to that, Toki gave him a huge hug. “Oh Skwisgaar, I’s so happy you’s my son!”  
“Toki, lets me go!”  
“Shhh. I’s sorry I wasn’t there when you was little, but I’s going to make it up to you, I promise.”  
“When I was little, you wasn’t even borns yet.”  
“I knows! I missed so much!”

With some effort, Skwisgaar pried him off. “I ams not goings to be calling you Daddy.”  
“That’s okays, I’s used to you callings me Toki, you can just keeps doings that.”  
This was too weird, Skwisgaar couldn’t help wondering what the others would think. Actually, he really didn’t want to know. “Toki? Can we please not be tellings de others about dis?”  
“But I’m proud of you, Son! My boy is the fastest guitarist alive, I want to tell the world!”  
“Actuallies... Can we just be pretending we never finds dis out?”  
“Noes!”

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. “Whatevers. I ams going to takes a shower.”  
“Noes! You gots to let me gives you a bath, that’s what daddies do!”  
“Fucks dat, Toki! You ams not givings me de baths!” This was met by sad puppy eyes. Oh, goddamn it. “Okay, fines, you can does it. But just dis once!”  
“Go waits for me, I gots to get some bath toys!”  
“I don’ts need- Why do you even _has_ \- Hey!” He gave up, Toki wasn’t even listening to him.

Wandering to his bathroom, Skwisgaar was unsure of what to do. Should he run his own water, or wait for Toki? And why the hell was he feeling like this anyway?!  
Giving up, he sat on the edge of the tub to wait.  
Fortunately it wasn’t a long wait, Toki came in with an a few toys. Depositing them in a pile, he ran the water, even adding some bubble bath. Skwisgaar watched in mortification. Well, at least the bubbles would give him some privacy?  
Feeling very strange about it, Skwisgaar undressed at Toki’s urging, and got in the tub.  
He was quickly joined by a rubber ducky, a plane, and a plastic shark.

The shark floated a little too close to his crotch, so he pushed it away. That thing had _teeth_. The other toys he ignored, even when they bumped against him.  
Toki grabbed a washcloth and started bathing him, which was harder to ignore, but he tried his best. It worked until-  
“Agh! Toki, don’ts be touching me dere!”  
“Oh hush, I has to gets you clean.”  
Grateful that he was way too humiliated to get a hard on, Skwisgaar endured being washed. This was _never_ happening again.

After wrapping him in a towel, Toki had (fortunately) left him alone to dry off and dress himself. When he rejoined the others, he was surprised to see them all smoking cigars, Toki sitting proudly in the middle.  
“Fucks Toki! I _told_ you nots to be telling dem about dis!”  
Toki tried to blow a smoke ring, and failed. “You can’ts tell me what to do. And if you can’ts be nice, I’ll sends you to you’s room.”  
“Schomebody’sch in trouble, schomebody’sch gonna get grounded,” Murderface sang annoyingly.  
“Shuts de fucks up Murderfaces. Pfft, does I at least gets to has a cigars?”  
“Noes, smoking’s bads for you.”

“Dis ams dildos.” Sulking, Skwisgaar played his guitar.  
The others displayed rare decency and left him alone. There would always be time to tease him about it later. Sure, they did snicker a little, but overall they were very well behaved.  
Of course, this was only because Toki hadn’t mentioned the bath part, there was no way they all would have been able to resist that one.  
Skwisgaar kept quiet and played, trying to calculate how many GMILFS it would take to make him feel better. Math really wasn’t his strongest suit.  
The peace lasted until band practice.

Playing together made it all feel normal again, made Skwisgaar act normal again. And normal Skwisgaar was very critical of Toki’s playing. “Dat ams sounding horrible Toki, coulds you possiblies be playings any worse?”  
Silence fell. The others stood in gleeful anticipation, waiting to see what would happen.  
Toki glared at him. “I demand you respects me!”  
“Pfft, den learns to fuckings play.”  
“Okay, that’s it. Goes to your room.”  
Skwisgaar stared right back. “No.”

Ignoring their grinning audience, Toki set his guitar aside. “Don’ts make me counts to ten.”  
“Tens?” Skwisgaar was confused. “What happens den?”  
“You don’ts wants to find out. Goes to your room. 1, 2, 3, 4-“ Skwisgaar was just standing there defiantly, that would never do. “5, 6, 7-“  
“Pfft.”  
“8, 9- Last chances.” _Still_ no response. “10.”  
Toki moved quickly, closing the distance and smacking Skwisgaar’s ass as hard as he could.  
Skwisgaar howled in surprise. “What de fucks, Toki?!”  
“You will respects me, I am you’s father!”

Thoroughly bewildered, Skwisgaar left the room and Toki followed him, leaving the others free to stop suppressing their laughter.  
In his room, Skwisgaar was disappointed to find that Toki still following him. “Why can’ts you just be leaving me alones?”  
“I’s sorry I hits you, but you was beings disrespectfuls. But I can reads you a bedtime story to makes up for it.”  
“No. Looks, can we maybe just be forgetting we ever finds dis out? It ams just too weirds for me.”

The sad puppy-eyed look was back. “You don’ts wants me to be you’s dad?”  
Skwisgaar sighed. “Looks, you don’ts know how to be a dads, and I don’ts know how to has a dads. We’re really better off nots tinking abouts dis.”  
“But I just wants to be a good dads to you!”  
“Toki, I ams already grown ups. I don’t needs to has a dads anymore, I would rather you ams mine friend. But you can’ts be orderings me around and hittings me!”  
“But we’s family!”  
“Ja, but tinks abouts it. We all hates our families, so dat ams not a great ting to be.”  
Skwisgaar had a good point there. 

They sat down to think about it, this felt kind of awkward.  
“So you don’ts want me to be your daddy no more?”  
“You can’t be tellings me what to does, dat only works for little kids.”  
“Oh, okays. I still loves you, Son.”  
“Now you ams just creeping me outs. Reallies, can we jus be pretending nothing ams changed?”  
Toki sighed. “If that’s what you’s reallies want... I guess so.”  
“Goes to bed, Toki. I tells you what- you don’t be ordering me arounds, and I will tried to be nicer to you. We has a deal?”  
This was probably the best he would get. “Ja, okays.”  
Maybe everything would be back to normal in the morning


End file.
